Random Things That are Pissing Me Off

I think the title says it all. I haven't written in a while and I'm sorry for that. I'm going to ease back into this with a simple list of things that have just been bugging me lately. Please feel free to add to this in the comments section...

• My emotions - they're just completely out of line lately and I don't like it. I yearn for the days when I was basically a man and didn't give a flying f--- about anything!!


• The job market - when did being over-qualified become a bad thing???


• Wendy Williams on Dancing with the Stars - the fact that I legitimately can't figure out if she's a man or a woman is driving me insane!


• Snookie making $32K for an appearance at Rutgers - Anyone who has had a conversation with me about the Jersey Shore knows that I am just downright bitter that this is not me because my life would totally make a better reality show


• Bartenders who don't do buy-backs - that's just un-American!


• Stupid songs - Why are they always the ones that get stuck in your head?


• Text messages - This is kind of hypocritical because I text a lot but I am becoming increasingly frustrated with them...sometimes a phone call is necessary!!


• Creepy, persistent boys/men - How come they just don't seem to ever get the point that you're not interested?!?!


• Red Bull - I used to be able to drink a few jaeger bombs when I went out but now I just always end up feeling like my heart (which I believed to be non-existent for a very long time) is going to jump right out of my chest


• Women - Some of them are just straight up annoying! Just sayin...

Ok, I guess I'm done for now. It's kind of nice to vent! Hope you enjoy the rest of your Tuesday!

I'm a Creeper...

I am in no way, shape, or form just figuring this out but I am a total creeper! Most recent example of this: I was hawking out two of my colleagues interacting because I swear they're doing the nasty! Seriously, I was watching them with my head perched up like a pigeon looking for any signs of foreplay.

People don't realize but it's hard work being a creep! Just this morning, I saw this kid's status on Facebook about being with the "blue angels" for MDW (Memorial Day Weekend for those who are acronymally challenged) and I actually had to Google "blue angels" to get the full spectrum of what he was doing and where. Now that's commitment!

Facebook has made my life easier, that's for sure! Drive-by's are almost never necessary anymore...though still fun! If I want to "bump" into a particular person, I can just hop on Facebook and find out what they're doing. It's a wonderful thing...

I think deep down there is a little creeper in all of us. I just happen to embrace mine to the max! I'll wear my shades so I can stare at you without you knowing it. I'll pretend to go to the bathroom just to have to walk by you. I'll find a reason to hang around so that I can eavesdrop on your conversation.

Yes, I am a creeper and I am damn proud! Guess that's it...I guess I'll be stalking you...I mean seeing you! :)

A Come-Back and a Coming-Out

Hot damn kiddies, it's been too long since you last heard from me! Well, I've heard your cries for the return of the dirty dishin' and I'm hoping that I won't disappoint.

So what brings me out of blogging hibernation? Ricky Martin shakin his bon-bon all the way out of the closet, that's what! Color me shocked..with every color in the rainbow of course!

Maybe I'm crazy but I never bought into the speculation that he was gay. I mean, I guess there were signs--butt pads come to mind--but it still hurts. To quote Joan Cusack in In and Out, "IS EVERBODDYYY GAYYY?!!!!!"

All these years of lies Ricky! Was "Maria" really written about some pool boy named Mario?? And what about "She's All I Ever Had?" Maybe what you really meant to say was "She's the only woman I've ever had."

To say I'm distraught would be an understatement! When he came out (wrong choice of words) with the commercial exclaiming, "Come to my Puerto Rico," I dreamed. Oh how I fantasized about going to his Puerto Rico and livin the vida loca with him while he serenaded me with "She Bangs". I guess I won't be drinking from his cup of life anytime soon.

First Lance Bass...now Ricky! Who's next? Neil Patrick Harris. Oh wait...DOHHHHH!

Ahh well, here's a video from the good ol' days...

Tales from the Underground: Volume 1

Reason to hate the subway #1: people singing out loud

Is it not bad enough that we are often subjected to hearing other people's music through their headphones? Is it really necessary for people to start singing or rapping along to the words?

Today, this guy was rapping to some garbage song with the repeated lyrics, "Shorty put it in." My first problem is with the song itself. Shorty put it in? Why don't you put it in you lazy ass SOB! Then there's the problem of the guy singing out loud for everyone to hear. Dude, don't mistake our $2.25 subway fare for admission to your concert. You're not going to get discovered while annoying people on their A.M. commute so just give it a rest Kanye!

This being mass transit in New York City, it's not the first time something like this has happened but it never seems to piss me off any less. I just don't get whether these people are oblivious to the fact that they're being rude or whether they actually get off on knowing they're irritating everyone around them. I'm guessing the latter.

I wonder, in such an instance as this morning, if you could plead temporary insanity for stapling someone's mouth shut...

Tiger Should be Spayed!

Oh Tiger, couldn't keep your paws to yourself could you...

So, I was in the subway this morning, trying to read a fellow rider's paper over their shoulder, as per usual, when I saw the headline, "Celebrities Cheat Because They Can." Wonder how many brain neurons it took the writer to come up with that psychosis! Umm, hello, anyone can cheat and they don't need to be famous to do it!

Celebrities cheat because they have some false sense of entitlement--like the world owes them something for being in the public eye so they just go about doing whatever the fuck they want, thinking that there should be no repurcussions. But, the truth is, when a person cheats on their spouse, there will be people who think this person is supreme scum. The same goes for celebrities only that there will be probably be more people that are of the scum opinion because everybody in the Intercontinental U.S. knows about the indiscretion (or indiscretions as the case may be and usually is).

So now Tiger is saying that this is a private matter between him and his family but, seriously, you're famous and you should know that when you become famous, you need to check your privacy at the door! Or, here's a thought, don't do something stupid like cheat on your wife! There's a reason why the lyrics to Single Ladies says "if you liked it then you should have put on a ring on it." It's singular, meaning one! You can only have one or else the line would be, "if you liked them then you should have put a ring on them."

And to the "other woman" or "other man"--nobody likes a homewrecker so stop the whoring around!

G.I. WHOA MAMA!!!!

I just discovered this video of Hottie McHottie Channing Tatum dancing at a male revue for Chippendale's and all I gotta say is hummina hummina!



I knew the boy could dance but, damn, he is really steppin it up here, isn't he? MmM mMm break me off a piece of that! He can be the star of my liquid dream any day...

Ok, I'd really like to write more but I'm salivating all over my desk. Sweet dreams ladies!

The Ugly Truth

I saw the movie "The Ugly Truth" yesterday and it got me thinking about the ugly truths I've learned about life, love and the battle of the sexes...

Ugly Truth #1 -- Women really are crazy! We can be petty, vicious, manipulative, and just plain scary sometimes. All women are at least acutely aware of the power we hold over men and yes, we do use it to get what we want. We stalk guys, we are famously known for our attacks against other females and we hold grudges like no other. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...thou hast no ideath!

Ugly Truth #2 -- Guys like the crazy no matter what they say! The crazier a girl is, the more of a hold she has over him. Whether this is some kind of masochistic-induced fetish, I'm not sure but, I bet the book, Why Men Love Bitches, could shed some light.

Ugly Truth #3 -- If a woman has not had sex for a long period of time, it's her own fault! Women can get laid, plain and simple! Guys are like un-neutered dogs--they will hump just about anything. If you're a woman and you're in a "drought" it's because you are too picky...in which case, kudos to you but it's your own damn fault!

Ugly Truth #4 -- Your college education is only buying you a better paid form of slavery! Like the age-old saying goes, they don't call it a job for nothing! You may be able to continue your social life with reckless abandon for a little while but, eventually, all fires burn out. Welcome to the real world!

Ugly Truth #5 -- Text messages have all but killed any chance of a story-book romance! Ever get the 2am, "What r u up to?" text? That's not love honey, that's a booty call! Where are the love letters? Where are the grand gestures and declarations of love. They've been replaced by messages we type into our phone, messages we are too lazy to even write in full. They've been replaced by "wanna meet up l8r?," "how u doin?" and the occasional "ilu" texts. Damn technology!

Ugly Truth #6 -- Men really do get better looking with age while women get worse looking! Wrinkles on a man mean experience, charm, and wisdom...wrinkles on a woman mean the old bag's been around the block and has got some severe wear and tear. It's a cruel world we live in!

Ugly Truth #7 -- When you reach a certain age, you really can't eat and drink whatever you want without gaining weight! Does the term "beer belly" mean anything to you? You know, it's that ginormous winter coat of fat keeping your abs warm...and hibernating all year round! Note of advice: Don't begin a love affair with food (and alcohol) unless you're prepared to endure a lifetime of relationship therapy with the gym!

Ugly Truth #8 -- All is fair in love and war! You've heard it many times...I'm saying it's 110% true! In war, we do what is necessary to survive. Well, love is a battlefield so man your station and prepare for bloodshed. It's about to get ugly...