Hottie of the Week

In keeping with the Superbowl spirit, this week's hottie award goes to one sexy (albeit slutty) footballer--Tom Brady.

Sure, Brady is a baby-mama abandoning ass who plays for one of the cockiest God-awful, over-rated teams in the NFL (a.k.a the Patriots)...luckily for him, I'm not basing my decision on any of that. The fact of the matter is that, as much as I hate to admit it because it goes against everything I stand for as a Giants fan, the guy is gorgeous! I would score touchdowns with him on--and off--the field. Word on the street is that he has a girlfriend. You may know her--legs for days Victoria Secret model Gisele Bundchen. But ladies, if he liked it then he should've put a ring on it! Until he puts a ridiculously big diamond on her bony little finger, it's fair game! Play on...

Mid-Week WTF's

Superbowl time is upon us--a time for football, food, and, if we're lucky, a string of fabulously funny commercials. To that note, this week's WTF's are dedicated to ads that you won't see this Sunday (and many thanks to NBC for making that happen)...

1. PETA's "Veggie Sex" ad -- WTF! The ad features half naked women caressing and licking vegetables like it's their job...yuck ladies, get a vibrator!!! You say PETA, I say PITA--Pain In The Ass--'cause that's exactly what this group is! Seriously, the only people who pay attention to these ads are straight men and I'm pretty sure that the message they're receiving has nothing to do with being a vegetarian. In closing, let me just say this: I'll take a thick, juicy sausage over a head of celery any day ;o)

2. AshleyMadison.com "WHO are You Doing After the Game?" ad -- WTF! In case you aren't aware, AshleyMadison.com is a website designed to play matchmaker for people looking to have an affair. That, in itself, is a big WTF! The divorce rate in America is already 40% and we certainly don't need Ashley Madison's help to achieve such a painstaking makes-me-want-to-never-get-married statistic! If you want to cheat on your wife or husband, do you really need a website? Just take your wedding ring off before you go out...or better yet...leave it on! Men love the seeming unattainability of the married woman and women are tragically attracted to the married man's seeming ability to commit. See, how hard is that? But seriously, here's an idea for those of you who don't want to spend the rest of your lives with just one person: Don't get married! Stay single, live it up 'Sex and the City' style and do society a favor by keeping the divorce rate down. Sounds like a win-win to me...

To see the banned ads, click here: Too hot--I mean WEIRD--for Superbowl

I'm sure there are plenty more but I'm all WTF'd out for the day. Have a happy Superbowl (Go Cardinals) and stay tuned for next week's edition.

Luck be a Lizzy...

Yours truly is back from Atlantic City a whopping $170 richer! Does this officially make me a high roller?

Mid-Week WTF's

1. Spending over $150 million on an Inauguration--WTF! Are we in a recession or was I just dreaming that hundreds of thousands of people have lost their jobs and/or homes? It's hard to believe that four years ago, so many people gave Bush grief for spending $40 million, not even a third of what was spent yesterday. Either inflation has reached ridiculous heights over the past four years or our new President went just a wee bit overboard...

2. Rich, famous people driving drunk and getting DUI's--WTF! Shia LaBeouf's license was just suspended for a year after being booked on a DUI charge. Let's hope his hand heals soon since he's going to need it to hail cabs from now on. I just don't get it. You have money...you can afford a cab...hell, you can afford a driver! If I was rich, I'd be pulling up in limos all the time! C'mon people--get your heads out of the beer keg long enough to make a decision that's not going to result in a mugshot! Speaking of mugshots, here are some of my faves...


3. Britney Spears' new song, "If U Seek Amy"--this is actually a two-part WTF! Part 1: The song itself--WTF! The title is supposed to be suggestive because if you sound it out, phonetically it resembles the letters F-U-C-K but I just think that the song makes no sense. Some lyrics to the chorus: "Love me, hate me Say what you want about me But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to If U Seek Amy"--sounds dumb doesn't it? Part 2: Radio stations banned the song because of its suggestive nature, forcing Britney to change the lyrics from "seek" to "see"--WTF! First of all, now the song makes even less sense than it did before. Second, are these the same stations that, in the past, have aired songs like "I Touch Myself," "How Many Licks," "Too Close" a.k.a the 'Boner' song, and "One Minute Man?" This song seems tame compared to its many many 'suggestive' predecessors.

4. Joaquin Phoenix makes his rapping debut--WTF! Oh Jaoquin, where do I begin? Well, for one, you're white...and not the Eminem 8-Mile kind of white, the Oscar-nominated for playing Johnny Cash kind of white. The beard, the performance, the falling off the stage...it all just screams disaster! Joaquin, for the love of eardrums everywhere, 'walk the line' back to what you're good at--acting.

and finally...
5. I slipped and fell down the stairs yesterday--WTF!!!! It's not bad enough that I'm a complete spaz but I have to be completely karmically challenged too?! I mean, I try to be a good person and all I have to show for it is a big, ugly bruise on my ass. I'm sitting on a pillow for crying out loud! So I repeat...to the Gods, to Mother Nature, to whoever is still reading this...WTF!

Hottie of the Week

Starting this week, I'll be posting a weekly segment called "Hottie of the Week" to celebrate one seriously sexy male that could get even a cold-hearted man-hater all hot and bothered.

First week's honors go to a newcomer to my favorite television show, One Tree Hill--Austin Nichols.

If you've never watched One Tree Hill, believe me, there has never been a better time to start. Austin is tearing up the screen with his charm, wit, and a grin that could set smoke alarms off...seriously! If you're still not convinced, check out this clip from last night's episode.

Be still my heart...

CONGRATS AUSTIN!

Mid-Week WTF's

1. New Kids on the Block cruise--WTF! My boy Joey McIntyre says that this is not a step back but it sounds to me like they might just be 'hangin tough' to their 15 minutes of comeback fame. That being said, hell yeah I'd go on that cruise! In words inspired by Dr. Seuss--I'd see them on a boat, I'd watch them with a goat...you get the point!

2. Renee Zellweger's Golden Globes dress--WTF! I mean, seriously, what was she thinking? Sheer blouses can be sexy but, c'mon, nude colored bras are never EVER sexy! Please file that item under your "Never gonna get laid wearing that" pile!

3. Girl auditions for American Idol in a bikini--WTF! She said she wanted to set herself apart from the bunch...how about setting yourself apart with your voice...it is a singing competition after all! Imagine a world where everyone compensated for their shortcomings by wearing a skimpy bikini. I got three words for you--Fat Joe--Speedo!

4. Amy Winehouse trying to steal alcohol at a resort--WTF! The resort cut her off, what else could she do but to steal drinks from people and run? I guess she could have gone home and slept it off but what fun would that have been?! Amy WINO--get yourself back to 'Rehab' stat!

and finally...

5. Girl auctioning off her virginity--WTF!!!! There's a word that came to mind when I read this, what was it? Oh yeah, PROSTITUTE! Putting aside the major gross factor, isn't this illegal? She says it's just to pay for schooling but I say once a hooker, always a hooker! I bet Ashley Dupre said the same thing as soon-to-be UN-virgin girl before she found herself in the company of Client #9 himself, Mr. Eliot Spitzer...

Happy New Year!

Happy '09 everyone! My New Year's was spent in Baltimore with some of my favorite people at a little place called PJ's. Highlights of the night--Mike being the only guy at the bar with facial hair, drunk girl with a boot-cast on her leg slutting it up, drunk girls puking all over the place and, last but not least, walking up 6 flights of stairs because the elevators in our hotel room were not working.

I'd have to say that, amidst all of the crazy partying, my favorite part of the night was the pre-game portion that took place in our hotel room. Col, Mike and I did a power half-hour with toasts at each minute interval to changes we wish to see in 2009. Below are some of our most note-worthy...

Changes we'd like to see in '09:

• The addition of the Big Mac to the dollar menu (at least for a limited time)
• The troops to be brought home indefinitely
• A 4-day work week
  
• Mariah Carey and Nick Canon to have a child
• All the obesity hooplah to end...everything in moderation people!
• For certain, un-named people to fall off the face of the earth
• "For Liz, John, Erik, and basically all of Mike's friends, to settle down with someone" -- Thanks Col!!!

So there you have it. Here's to a year of cheers, beers, and happy tears!~