Get Your Castanets Ready...

The week after one's birthday is supposed to be a recovery period, a time to sleep and detox. But, as fate would have it, the week after my birthday has always brought a celebration of such epic proportions that it consumes a whole weekend and an entire city in good ole Dirty Jerz--alas, it is the Portuguese Feast in Newark! And though one of our most famed people, Christiano Ronaldo, was recently spotted "canoodling" with Paris Hilton, confirming the fact that there really is no accounting for taste, it is still a damn good time to be Portuguese!

Here's what you can expect this weekend (100% based on things that have actually happened in the past):

• Girls dancing on tables
• Crazy drunk men dancing on tables
• People drinking off the tables
  
• Impossibly large buckets of sangria for personal consumption (available in red, white, and now, blue)
• Men inappropriately touching women, much to their dissatisfaction
• Women inappropriately touching men, much to their complete satisfaction
• People suffocating in other people's hair as they walk down the ridiculously crowded Ferry Street
• Scandalous run-ins with the EX
  
• Some of the best damn bbq chicken you will ever get your hands and mouth on
• An array of mediocre Portuguese bands (trust me, you'll be too drunk to realize the mediocrity)
• Random fights and the occasional stabbing (I swear it's safe though!)
• Running from the cops with aforementioned sangria buckets trying to suck out every last drop before being kicked off the premises
  
• Your friend leaving you to walk home with a random gay stranger who looks like Sanjaya from American Idol who ends up sleeping at your house and scaring the be-jesus out of your parents in the morning!
  

Now, doesn't that sound like the best damn time EVER! I thought so!! So, whether you're actually Portuguese or just pretending to be (which is completely understandable cause we're so awesome), come to Newark this weekend, enjoy a bucket--or 5--and party it up hardcore. Remember--what happens at the Portuguese feast STAYS at the Portuguese feast!

Viva Portugal! Boa noite e boa sorte!

A Birthday Story

Twenty-five years ago today, an extremely drunk stork dropped in to bless the Borges clan with a beautiful baby girl…a miracle if you will. Ok, honestly speaking, she was the hairiest little monkey baby you’ll ever see, but, cute nonetheless. Anywayyyy—though her parents thought to bestow this girl with horrific names like Stephanie and Filomena, they opted for something different. A name fit for a queen.

And she was a queen alright—a drama queen!

At the age of four, the little girl found herself betrothed to a Catholic School boy, a boy she thought repulsive and unworthy of her love. Rebelling against this “arranged marriage,” she vowed to kick boys in the shins, use them only for her own personal agenda and never EVER commit for as long as she lived...or until Patrick Swayze ‘dirty danced’ into her heart!

The years passed and the girl grew. Oh boy did she grow—the girl could not put down a bag of chips to save her life—but she was happy! A charming girl she was: funny, smart, sweet, talented, and modest of course! A girly girl on the outside and a tom boy at heart, she had many friends, girls and boys alike.

Still more years went by and the little girl had grown into a young woman. Going to school, spending time with her friends and family, and driving around in her carriage, The Lil Pimper, she was living the good life. Though her commitment phobia grew along with her as she kept her pre-school promise, she did not shy away from the boys. In fact, she loved boys and the boys looooved her!

The girl often found herself in all sorts of trouble—underage drinking, speeding, failing to yield to an emergency vehicle, to name a few. Wild child as she was, she gave her parents quite a bit of grief at times but they still gave her everything she could ever want…except a Ferrari that is.

Oh how the time has flown! After what seemed like a lifetime of education, the girl, now a woman, graduated college and was sentenced to an actual lifetime of slavery to “The Man.” Living in her Quincy Palace, she still lives a rather charmed life or, at least, a drunk one. The girl still holds onto a semblance of her childhood theory against commitment but, after kissing many, MANY frogs, feels that she may one day be ready for her Prince…definitely not any day soon of course!

Twenty-five years old and she stills feels as young as ever. She’s looking pretty damn hot too! Always a girl at heart, she looks forward to the next 25 years and every adventure—or misadventure as the case may be—that life has to offer.

The End.

P.S. That story was about me in case you hadn't guessed! :)