1. Shawn Johnson wins Dancing with the Stars -- WTF! It's no secret that I am in love (or serious lust) with that hunk of French goodness, Gilles Marini, so you can imagine how pissed I am that he didn't win. Sure, Shawn is cute (in that teenage chipmunk looking way) but her booty--I mean 'derriere'--shaking skills were nowhere close to Gilles'; it's like comparing Michael Flatley Lord of the Dance to Elaine from Seinfeld!!! I guess I should just be happy that stupid Bachelor reject Melissa "glitter up my tramp stamp" Rycroft didn't win. Unless they announced that she was the winner and then took it back the next day on live television...cause that would be pretty damn hilarious!
2. GPS Satellites could break down by 2010 -- WTF! Are you telling me that my dear wonderful "Charles" may not be able to accurately guide my direction-impaired ass around the country next year? I mean, I know that I don't always listen to him...and I don't always pay attention to him at all but STILL. If they don't get these GPS satellites updated asap, there is going to be a lot of angry, lost people out there and I'm one of them. How else will I get myself out of trouble after unsuccessfully trying to create a new shortcut? Or when I'm so busy talking that I completely miss an exit? Or when I'm too busy singing/dancing in the car that I, again, completely miss an exit? Don't leave me Charles!!!
3. Jessica Biel thinks being pretty is a problem -- WTF! Boo f@%#in' hoo!!! You're hot, you have money and a sexy boyfriend who is this generation's Michael Jackson without the strange little boy obsession. To quote one of my favorite movies, Wedding Crashers, "Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems. Jackass." Well said Vince Vaughn!
4. Woman beat up over asparagus -- WTF! Apparently the buyer thought the asparagus was very over-priced. Hey, dude, I understand your affliction...I can't tell you how badly I wanted to punch the fruit guy outside my office when he told me the price for a banana went up to 50 cents! But, alas, cooler heads prevailed and I parted ways with my two beautiful, shiny quarters. Next time, you just tell that asparagus nazi to take her pricey smelly-pee-inducing vegetable and shove it...then proceed on your merry way!
5. NYC men and their foot fetishes -- WTF! Last summer, I had a man come up to me at Columbus Circle asking me if he could take pictures of my feet. Now, just a few days ago, I'm walking to the post office and this hotel doorman shouts, "Wow cute toes!" as I'm passing by him. Gross gross gross!!! This is just not normal conversation for complete strangers! Would you just go up to a random stranger and tell them that you like to be handcuffed and gagged? I don't think so (I truly hope not anyway). Same principle. Ok then, let this be a lesson to all the men out there that feet should not be brought into a conversation for a good while. Want to compliment a girl, why don't you start off with something simple like her eyes or smile. Foot obsessions come much later!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Mid-Week WTF's
It's Thirsty Thursday everyone so congratulations for making it through most of the work week without poking your eyes out--and I'm assuming that none of you actually tried to do that! Anywayyy, on to the WTF's...
1. Cliffhangers -- WTF! Isn't it bad enough that our favorite shows take us down tumultuous paths of hook-ups, break-ups, death scares, pregnancy scares, etc.? Do we really have to be left with three months of uncertainty about our beloved characters? Will Izzie die (the Grey's finale hasn't even aired yet but I'm already anticipating a long summer of pondering that one)? Will those crazy kids, Booth and Brennan, ever admit their love for one another? And will those "Lost" people ever be found?! I can't take it, the suspense is killing me...
2. Jon cheats on Kate; Kate cheats on Jon -- WTF! Jon and Kate who? No, seriously! Why do we even care about these people. They're not ridiculously pretty or heinously un-pretty...they're just average Joe's. So why do we care? That's just not our style. Speaking of style, what's with that woman Kate's 'Posh' haircut. She does not have the attitude or silicone enhancements to support such a 'do. Ohh and one more thing--having 8 children does not make you good television...it makes you Octo-parents!
3. Higher excise tax on alcohol -- WTF! Nooooo don't do it! I would like to continue to ride out the recession in a drunken oblivion with no regard for consequence please! God, the government's such a buzz kill!
4. Not having enough blog time -- WTF! As you've probably noticed, I've been slacking hardcore on my blog entries and the reason for this is simple...work is riding my ass and I barely have enough time to collect a thought let alone write about it. How dare people give me assignments that distract me from what's really important! Damn the man for cutting in on my blog time! DAMN. THE. MAN.
On that note, I'm signing off on this post because The Man's got me down again...talk to ya next week! Hopefully!
1. Cliffhangers -- WTF! Isn't it bad enough that our favorite shows take us down tumultuous paths of hook-ups, break-ups, death scares, pregnancy scares, etc.? Do we really have to be left with three months of uncertainty about our beloved characters? Will Izzie die (the Grey's finale hasn't even aired yet but I'm already anticipating a long summer of pondering that one)? Will those crazy kids, Booth and Brennan, ever admit their love for one another? And will those "Lost" people ever be found?! I can't take it, the suspense is killing me...
2. Jon cheats on Kate; Kate cheats on Jon -- WTF! Jon and Kate who? No, seriously! Why do we even care about these people. They're not ridiculously pretty or heinously un-pretty...they're just average Joe's. So why do we care? That's just not our style. Speaking of style, what's with that woman Kate's 'Posh' haircut. She does not have the attitude or silicone enhancements to support such a 'do. Ohh and one more thing--having 8 children does not make you good television...it makes you Octo-parents!
3. Higher excise tax on alcohol -- WTF! Nooooo don't do it! I would like to continue to ride out the recession in a drunken oblivion with no regard for consequence please! God, the government's such a buzz kill!
4. Not having enough blog time -- WTF! As you've probably noticed, I've been slacking hardcore on my blog entries and the reason for this is simple...work is riding my ass and I barely have enough time to collect a thought let alone write about it. How dare people give me assignments that distract me from what's really important! Damn the man for cutting in on my blog time! DAMN. THE. MAN.
On that note, I'm signing off on this post because The Man's got me down again...talk to ya next week! Hopefully!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Seriously???
Here's a list of things that had/have me scratching my head thinking, "Seriously?!"
1. Yankees choke in all 3 games against the Red Sox. Seriously?
2. Baseball players stealing home. Seriously? (very much related to #1 BTW)
3. Rangers and Devils both blow it in the first round of playoffs. Seriously?
4. Britney Spears may be pregnant again. Seriously?
5. Miss California Organization paid for Carrie Prejean's breast implants. Seriously?
6. Octo-Mom: The Musical. Seriously?
7. Swine flu. Seriously?
8. People complain about there not being any pretzels in the office but can't walk their asses across the street to get more. Seriously?
9. My work building may or may not be on fire right now. Seriously?
10. Speaking of work--we actually have to work on Cinco de Mayo. Seriously?
I think I'm done but if you have any to add, please feel free to do so in the comments section.
P.S. The persistent guy from last week's mid-week WTF's did NOT get the hint! Seriously?!!
1. Yankees choke in all 3 games against the Red Sox. Seriously?
2. Baseball players stealing home. Seriously? (very much related to #1 BTW)
3. Rangers and Devils both blow it in the first round of playoffs. Seriously?
4. Britney Spears may be pregnant again. Seriously?
5. Miss California Organization paid for Carrie Prejean's breast implants. Seriously?
6. Octo-Mom: The Musical. Seriously?
7. Swine flu. Seriously?
8. People complain about there not being any pretzels in the office but can't walk their asses across the street to get more. Seriously?
9. My work building may or may not be on fire right now. Seriously?
10. Speaking of work--we actually have to work on Cinco de Mayo. Seriously?
I think I'm done but if you have any to add, please feel free to do so in the comments section.
P.S. The persistent guy from last week's mid-week WTF's did NOT get the hint! Seriously?!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Mid-Week WTF's
1. Woman on Britain's Got Talent -- WTF! This particular WTF doesn't go out to the woman herself but to the overall reaction that people have had to her singing abilities. "Susan Boyle Shocks World" is one of many news headings I've come across...are you kidding? Someone playing one of Mozart's Symphonies with their toes--now that is shocking! Are people that lame and vein that they believe that only "pretty" people can sing? Have these people ever seen an opera...not like those ladies are cast for their good looks. And by the by, a guy I know that was very involved in theater once told me that "fat chicks can usually sing good." Non-male ass translation: Looks don't have anything to do with talent. Don't believe me? Just look at Paris Hilton.
2. Spencer Pratt wants to be Governor of California -- WTF! Umm seriously?! Just because Schwarzenegger did it, doesn't mean you can Spence! At least Arnold had some good movies and real fame to his name when he ran for office...what do you have? A D-list, fake D-cup wifey who has no brains and no talent (see above for correlation between beauty and talent) and one directing credit to your name (which was said talentless wifey's god-awful music video for an equally bad song). Stick to what you're good at Spence which is, umm, well, I guess nothing!
3. Kim Kardashian "tweets" about her sunburn -- WTF! She wanted to know what she should do about the burn...really? Grow a brain for one! I can't tell if people like this are just trying to get attention or are just genuinely that stupid but, either way, it's annoying. Stop being a dumbass, wear sunscreen, and if you do happen to do something like this again, have the common sense to go into hiding for a few days instead of publicizing your stupidity for everyone to see.
4. Guys thinking girls are "broken" for wanting to be single -- WTF!!!! I recently encountered this guy who was relentlessly trying to touch me and kiss me and get me to agree to go on a date with him. Well, I had no desire to do anything of the sort with him but wanted to be nice about it so I told him that I would rather just be friends and I wasn't really into the whole dating thing right now (which is true in his case). He proceeded with this: "I get it, you're broken. Some guy must have done a real number on you." WHAAAAAAAT! Why is it that when a guy is single it's because he's a big pimp that can't be held down but when a girl is single it's because some dude "broke" her. And why can't guys recognize a brush-off when it's smacking them in the face...I thought the "friends" bit was known all over the world as rejection line numero uno! Well, after all was said and done, I had to go the straight up, "Dude, I don't want to kiss you or go on a date with you...ever!" route (I think he finally got the hint--or maybe not--only time will tell as I will be seeing him this weekend at a party).
The lesson here: Don't try to be nice when rejecting a guy because it might come back to bite you on your "broken" ass.
2. Spencer Pratt wants to be Governor of California -- WTF! Umm seriously?! Just because Schwarzenegger did it, doesn't mean you can Spence! At least Arnold had some good movies and real fame to his name when he ran for office...what do you have? A D-list, fake D-cup wifey who has no brains and no talent (see above for correlation between beauty and talent) and one directing credit to your name (which was said talentless wifey's god-awful music video for an equally bad song). Stick to what you're good at Spence which is, umm, well, I guess nothing!
3. Kim Kardashian "tweets" about her sunburn -- WTF! She wanted to know what she should do about the burn...really? Grow a brain for one! I can't tell if people like this are just trying to get attention or are just genuinely that stupid but, either way, it's annoying. Stop being a dumbass, wear sunscreen, and if you do happen to do something like this again, have the common sense to go into hiding for a few days instead of publicizing your stupidity for everyone to see.
4. Guys thinking girls are "broken" for wanting to be single -- WTF!!!! I recently encountered this guy who was relentlessly trying to touch me and kiss me and get me to agree to go on a date with him. Well, I had no desire to do anything of the sort with him but wanted to be nice about it so I told him that I would rather just be friends and I wasn't really into the whole dating thing right now (which is true in his case). He proceeded with this: "I get it, you're broken. Some guy must have done a real number on you." WHAAAAAAAT! Why is it that when a guy is single it's because he's a big pimp that can't be held down but when a girl is single it's because some dude "broke" her. And why can't guys recognize a brush-off when it's smacking them in the face...I thought the "friends" bit was known all over the world as rejection line numero uno! Well, after all was said and done, I had to go the straight up, "Dude, I don't want to kiss you or go on a date with you...ever!" route (I think he finally got the hint--or maybe not--only time will tell as I will be seeing him this weekend at a party).
The lesson here: Don't try to be nice when rejecting a guy because it might come back to bite you on your "broken" ass.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Mid-Week WTF's
1. Fortune Cookies -- WTF! I know this one was on my list a few weeks ago but they have reached a whole new level of suck. Today's fortune: You are a happy man. WHAAAAT! First I'm a lesbian and now I'm a man?!! This is ludicrous and I'm officially at war with the Chinese! I can tell you this though...if I was a man, I definitely would be happy because I'd be a beer-drinking, sports crazed maniac with a sailor's mouth, pimping myself all over the place...oh wait, that's me now...maybe I am a man!
2. Chris Brown pleads 'not guilty' to assaulting Rihanna -- WTF! Deny, deny, deny. This seems to be an oath that all guys take when they hit puberty because, even when they're caught red handed, they still deny it. I blame Shaggy for this nonsense...we don't believe you when you say, "it wasn't me" so just man up and admit that you're an ass!
3. Ticket prices at the new Yankee and Mets stadiums -- WTF! Maybe I've been sniffing too many Sharpie markers lately but I could have sworn we were in a recession. Yet, ticket prices for our beloved NY baseball teams have sky-rocketed and I, for one, can't afford any seat that's not in the bleacher section (which no longer sells alcohol so that's definitely not an option lol). But, I guess through good economic times and bad, we will stick by our teams. They can take away our jobs and our homes but they cannot take away our freedom...to buy $4 hot dogs and $8 beers!
4. Syracuse Orange -- WTF! I just don't get it...orange what? Orange itself cannot be a mascot because it's a color and colors do not possess any animate qualities. They used to be the Orangemen (and Orangewomen)...why can't they go back to that? At least it made some sense. Or maybe they can be the OrangeS because their mascot looks like an orange and probably is designed to be one anyway. There is a world of possibilities here but my personal vote goes to the Orange-Headed Yogurt Slingers.
5. Working on Good Friday -- WTF! I don't really think this one needs any explanation so I'll just say that it really bites!
I'm going to leave you with my man Gilles' smoldering hot Paso Doble from this week's DWTS:
If my body gets any hotter, someone's going to need to call the NY fire dept. to come put me out. God, he is delicious...this Easter, skip the Peeps and get me one of him please!!!
2. Chris Brown pleads 'not guilty' to assaulting Rihanna -- WTF! Deny, deny, deny. This seems to be an oath that all guys take when they hit puberty because, even when they're caught red handed, they still deny it. I blame Shaggy for this nonsense...we don't believe you when you say, "it wasn't me" so just man up and admit that you're an ass!
3. Ticket prices at the new Yankee and Mets stadiums -- WTF! Maybe I've been sniffing too many Sharpie markers lately but I could have sworn we were in a recession. Yet, ticket prices for our beloved NY baseball teams have sky-rocketed and I, for one, can't afford any seat that's not in the bleacher section (which no longer sells alcohol so that's definitely not an option lol). But, I guess through good economic times and bad, we will stick by our teams. They can take away our jobs and our homes but they cannot take away our freedom...to buy $4 hot dogs and $8 beers!
4. Syracuse Orange -- WTF! I just don't get it...orange what? Orange itself cannot be a mascot because it's a color and colors do not possess any animate qualities. They used to be the Orangemen (and Orangewomen)...why can't they go back to that? At least it made some sense. Or maybe they can be the OrangeS because their mascot looks like an orange and probably is designed to be one anyway. There is a world of possibilities here but my personal vote goes to the Orange-Headed Yogurt Slingers.
5. Working on Good Friday -- WTF! I don't really think this one needs any explanation so I'll just say that it really bites!
I'm going to leave you with my man Gilles' smoldering hot Paso Doble from this week's DWTS:
If my body gets any hotter, someone's going to need to call the NY fire dept. to come put me out. God, he is delicious...this Easter, skip the Peeps and get me one of him please!!!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Me vs. Urban Dictionary
In case you're unaware, urbandictionary.com is a website in which anyone can post definitions for slang terms or basically anything your little heart desires. This morning, my friend told me to go check out the definition for "Kearny girl" so I did and this is what I found:
Kearny
A little harsh if you ask me but I suppose it's all in good fun. After realizing that there was no definition for "Kearny boy," I decided to have some fun of my own and submitted my own definition which I think was pretty damn funny (and painfully true):
Kearny Boy
Guess what--my definition was rejected! This is hypocrisy at its finest people!!!!
Well, Liz Borges does NOT go down without a fight! I sent those bastard editors an email explaining that I'm exercising my right to the First Amendment and either my definition is allowed up on the site or the other one comes down cause this double-standard is just unacceptable!
Urban Dictionary just opened up Pandora's box of psycho bitchosity (yes I just made that word up right now but I like it) and they are going down!
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn" -- Amen Mr. Shakespeare!
Kearny
a
guy- "hey hoe wuts
A little harsh if you ask me but I suppose it's all in good fun. After realizing that there was no definition for "Kearny boy," I decided to have some fun of my own and submitted my own definition which I think was pretty damn funny (and painfully true):
Kearny Boy
A
Girl: Let's go back to
Kearny
Guess what--my definition was rejected! This is hypocrisy at its finest people!!!!
Well, Liz Borges does NOT go down without a fight! I sent those bastard editors an email explaining that I'm exercising my right to the First Amendment and either my definition is allowed up on the site or the other one comes down cause this double-standard is just unacceptable!
Urban Dictionary just opened up Pandora's box of psycho bitchosity (yes I just made that word up right now but I like it) and they are going down!
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn" -- Amen Mr. Shakespeare!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Mid-Week WTF's
St. Patty's 2009 is officially over...and good riddance! As hot as I look in green, I was about to go into a leprechaun and Guinness induced coma so it's probably best that the festivities have come to an end. But don't put your party hat away just yet because today is the beginning of March Madness! Gotta love a bunch of hot, sweaty guys "Duke"ing it out to be the #1 college basketball team in the country...God Bless America! Ok, on to the mid-week WTF's...
1. Woman attacks ex-fiance with cat -- WTF! Yes, a cat. And apples, a laptop, and apparently anything else she could get her psychotic hands on. Now, I know that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but, DAMN, leave the poor little kitty out of it! I've said it once and I'll say it again...bitches be crazy! I seriously commend this guy on his lack of retaliation because, if I was him, I would have knocked her the f*ck out. Nobody messes with my cat and gets away with it!
2. A-Rod kissing himself in Details Magazine -- WTF! Seriously A-Rod, what do you have to be proud of? Your failed marriage? Your constant infidelity that led to said failed marriage? Maybe it's the steroid use? Or your inability to perform during the playoffs? But still you remain an arrogant, rich little piss-ant who chooses to kiss himself in the mirror for the whole world to see and, no doubt, ridicule you for the rest of your life! I get that you still love yourself despite everything (that's just how guys are despite all their flaws). But, can you please 'love yourself' in the privacy of your own home like every other self-obsessed man I know?!!
3. My cousin told her friend that I was 25 -- WTF! First of all, I'm 24 and 3/4 thank you very much! Second of all, her friend thought I was still in school so obviously he thought i was like 21-22 and that little biatch (you know who you are) was so quick to throw the old lady (me) under the bus! Oh the youth of America! Revenge is sweet though my little cousin ::insert witch cackle here::
Ok that's it for this week. Sit back and bask in the fun that is the NCAA tournament and, take my advice, do NOT drink any apple martinis while watching any games you have money on :)
1. Woman attacks ex-fiance with cat -- WTF! Yes, a cat. And apples, a laptop, and apparently anything else she could get her psychotic hands on. Now, I know that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but, DAMN, leave the poor little kitty out of it! I've said it once and I'll say it again...bitches be crazy! I seriously commend this guy on his lack of retaliation because, if I was him, I would have knocked her the f*ck out. Nobody messes with my cat and gets away with it!
2. A-Rod kissing himself in Details Magazine -- WTF! Seriously A-Rod, what do you have to be proud of? Your failed marriage? Your constant infidelity that led to said failed marriage? Maybe it's the steroid use? Or your inability to perform during the playoffs? But still you remain an arrogant, rich little piss-ant who chooses to kiss himself in the mirror for the whole world to see and, no doubt, ridicule you for the rest of your life! I get that you still love yourself despite everything (that's just how guys are despite all their flaws). But, can you please 'love yourself' in the privacy of your own home like every other self-obsessed man I know?!!
3. My cousin told her friend that I was 25 -- WTF! First of all, I'm 24 and 3/4 thank you very much! Second of all, her friend thought I was still in school so obviously he thought i was like 21-22 and that little biatch (you know who you are) was so quick to throw the old lady (me) under the bus! Oh the youth of America! Revenge is sweet though my little cousin ::insert witch cackle here::
Ok that's it for this week. Sit back and bask in the fun that is the NCAA tournament and, take my advice, do NOT drink any apple martinis while watching any games you have money on :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
