Get Your Castanets Ready...

The week after one's birthday is supposed to be a recovery period, a time to sleep and detox. But, as fate would have it, the week after my birthday has always brought a celebration of such epic proportions that it consumes a whole weekend and an entire city in good ole Dirty Jerz--alas, it is the Portuguese Feast in Newark! And though one of our most famed people, Christiano Ronaldo, was recently spotted "canoodling" with Paris Hilton, confirming the fact that there really is no accounting for taste, it is still a damn good time to be Portuguese!

Here's what you can expect this weekend (100% based on things that have actually happened in the past):

• Girls dancing on tables
• Crazy drunk men dancing on tables
• People drinking off the tables
  
• Impossibly large buckets of sangria for personal consumption (available in red, white, and now, blue)
• Men inappropriately touching women, much to their dissatisfaction
• Women inappropriately touching men, much to their complete satisfaction
• People suffocating in other people's hair as they walk down the ridiculously crowded Ferry Street
• Scandalous run-ins with the EX
  
• Some of the best damn bbq chicken you will ever get your hands and mouth on
• An array of mediocre Portuguese bands (trust me, you'll be too drunk to realize the mediocrity)
• Random fights and the occasional stabbing (I swear it's safe though!)
• Running from the cops with aforementioned sangria buckets trying to suck out every last drop before being kicked off the premises
  
• Your friend leaving you to walk home with a random gay stranger who looks like Sanjaya from American Idol who ends up sleeping at your house and scaring the be-jesus out of your parents in the morning!
  

Now, doesn't that sound like the best damn time EVER! I thought so!! So, whether you're actually Portuguese or just pretending to be (which is completely understandable cause we're so awesome), come to Newark this weekend, enjoy a bucket--or 5--and party it up hardcore. Remember--what happens at the Portuguese feast STAYS at the Portuguese feast!

Viva Portugal! Boa noite e boa sorte!