Me vs. Urban Dictionary

In case you're unaware, urbandictionary.com is a website in which anyone can post definitions for slang terms or basically anything your little heart desires. This morning, my friend told me to go check out the definition for "Kearny girl" so I did and this is what I found:

Kearny Girl

a Kearny girl is a girl from kearny, a town known for easy girls. Kearny girls dont do dates they just fuck the guy and leave no questions asked.

guy- "hey hoe wuts ur name?"
kearny girl- "does it really matter lets jst go fuck."

A little harsh if you ask me but I suppose it's all in good fun. After realizing that there was no definition for "Kearny boy," I decided to have some fun of my own and submitted my own definition which I think was pretty damn funny (and painfully true):

Kearny Boy

A Kearny boy is a guy who lives in Kearny, NJ; usually cocky and almost always weird; afraid of commitment but will f*ck anything with a skirt; lives at home with mom and dad.

Girl: Let's go back to ur place
Kearny boy: We can't, my mom might hear us!

Guess what--my definition was rejected! This is hypocrisy at its finest people!!!!

Well, Liz Borges does NOT go down without a fight! I sent those bastard editors an email explaining that I'm exercising my right to the First Amendment and either my definition is allowed up on the site or the other one comes down cause this double-standard is just unacceptable!

Urban Dictionary just opened up Pandora's box of psycho bitchosity (yes I just made that word up right now but I like it) and they are going down!

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn" -- Amen Mr. Shakespeare!

Mid-Week WTF's

St. Patty's 2009 is officially over...and good riddance! As hot as I look in green, I was about to go into a leprechaun and Guinness induced coma so it's probably best that the festivities have come to an end. But don't put your party hat away just yet because today is the beginning of March Madness! Gotta love a bunch of hot, sweaty guys "Duke"ing it out to be the #1 college basketball team in the country...God Bless America! Ok, on to the mid-week WTF's...

1. Woman attacks ex-fiance with cat -- WTF! Yes, a cat. And apples, a laptop, and apparently anything else she could get her psychotic hands on. Now, I know that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but, DAMN, leave the poor little kitty out of it! I've said it once and I'll say it again...bitches be crazy! I seriously commend this guy on his lack of retaliation because, if I was him, I would have knocked her the f*ck out. Nobody messes with my cat and gets away with it!

2. A-Rod kissing himself in Details Magazine -- WTF! Seriously A-Rod, what do you have to be proud of? Your failed marriage? Your constant infidelity that led to said failed marriage? Maybe it's the steroid use? Or your inability to perform during the playoffs? But still you remain an arrogant, rich little piss-ant who chooses to kiss himself in the mirror for the whole world to see and, no doubt, ridicule you for the rest of your life! I get that you still love yourself despite everything (that's just how guys are despite all their flaws). But, can you please 'love yourself' in the privacy of your own home like every other self-obsessed man I know?!!

3. My cousin told her friend that I was 25 -- WTF! First of all, I'm 24 and 3/4 thank you very much! Second of all, her friend thought I was still in school so obviously he thought i was like 21-22 and that little biatch (you know who you are) was so quick to throw the old lady (me) under the bus! Oh the youth of America! Revenge is sweet though my little cousin ::insert witch cackle here::

Ok that's it for this week. Sit back and bask in the fun that is the NCAA tournament and, take my advice, do NOT drink any apple martinis while watching any games you have money on :)

Happy Hump Day!

In lieu of my mid-week WTF's this week, I'm going to share some random thoughts that I'm having on this miserable, rainy Wednesday:

There's a new hottie in town...
And his name is Gilles Marini! You may remember him (or at least his 'man parts') from the Sex and the City movie but he's made quite a first impression on Dancing with the Stars, which kicked off its new season on Monday. His cha-cha was muy caliente and his body is just sexy as hell. Check it out (the dance starts around the 1 minute mark)



Ay caramba! Can someone get me a fan?!

Interns rock!
Being able to pawn all your crap work off on someone else is the single best anti-depressant out there! I currently have two so it's double the pleasure, double the fun for me. And, if that wasn't cool enough, one of my interns is from Australia and her accent provides me much entertainment...she's constantly saying insanely amusing things like "brelli" instead of umbrella and "zet" instead of the letter "z". It's a shame I don't like coffee to send my interns out to go fetch for me...maybe I can send them out for my daily fix of salt and vinegar chips instead haha.

My mother used one of my favorite t-shirts as a rag -- WTF!
What? Did you really think I could go a whole week without adding at least one of these in? I couldn't believe it when I walked into the kitchen and there it was, lying on the floor of the back porch with some heinous kitchen appliance on top of it. Naturally, I threw a bit of a hissy fit at my mother for this negligent behavior and told her that I wanted it back. We argued for a few minutes--she said that the shirt is ugly and I said that if that was the basis, then we could use a bunch of her clothes for rags (I was semi-kidding). Eventually, I won the battle and Mom actually laughed a little as she threw it in the wash. I imagine she (and probably all of you reading this) was wondering what my strange attachment to a t-shirt is...well, I stole it from my ex...it was one of his faves and every time I wear it, it gives me great pleasure to know that he never will again! Evil I know but, hey, I never said I was an angel or anything.

Lean, Mean, and GREEN

Shamrocks and leprechauns and kilts OH MY! You guessed it--St. Patrick's Day (or month really) is here! Say what you want about the "Irish Curse" but, when March rolls around, everybody wants to sport the green, white and orange. Don't believe me? Try venturing into Hoboken or NYC during their St. Patty's celebrations...I dare you.

I was just in Hoboken for their festivities this past weekend and, let me tell you, it was a shit-show! An all day drinking fest--definitely not for the faint of heart (or liver for that matter). Among the mayhem, my friends and I thought it would be fun to have a spelling bee...and document it. Here are some highlights:







I'll leave you with one last note about St. Patrick's Day: Shenanigans, S-H-E-N-A-N-I-G-A-N-S, Shenanigans!

Mid-Week WTF's

1. Bachelor proposes, then takes it back...on live television -- WTF! He dumps one broad, proposes to the other and then, on a post-show special, dumps her and goes back to the one he dumped originally. This is the epitome of what's wrong with reality tv (except for Dancing with the Stars which is still the bomb-diggity and premieres Monday, March 9). In the 13 seasons that this show has aired, only one couple has actually gotten married and stayed together. That says a lot about how far people will go for their 15 minutes of fame. These girls should try something more dignifying...Girls Gone Wild perhaps?

2. Woman with an "objects fetish" marries Eiffel Tower -- WTF! She took its name and everything--please welcome Mrs. Eiffel Tower. Now, I can definitely understand the appeal here...nice to look at, won't let you down, no commitment issues to deal with...sounds like a sweet deal. But if you're going to fall in love with an inanimate object, at least find something that will love you back like, say, a vibrator. Ah well, it could be worse...she could be the new Mrs. Newark Penn Station.

3. Winter -- WTF! Enough already, I'm done! Damn that stupid ass groundhoug and his stupid ass shadow! I ran out of winter clothes somewhere around late November so I'd appreciate if Mr. Chilly Temps would move out and set up permanent, secluded residence in Canada.
Lizzy - pants + mini-skirt = happiness all around.

4. School loans -- WTF! I just found out yesterday that SallieMae owns me until 2021! That evil loan wench, who does she think she is?! Four years of blood, sweat and tears and what do you get at graduation--a one-way ticket to debtsville! I would have rather sold my soul...the interest would be cheaper.